Lore:Crassius Curio

Crassius Curio
Crassius Curio
Race	Imperial	Gender	Male
Resided in		Vvardenfell
Appears in		Morrowind, Legends

Crassius Curio, who called himself "Uncle Crassius", was an eccentric and lecherous Imperial noble who operated as a Councilor of the Great House Hlaalu. He was best known for his erotic play, The Lusty Argonian Maid.

Influence In House Hlaalu

"Come on, dumpling, don't be shy. Just do this one little favor for Uncle Crassius."

Prior to his ascent through House Hlaalu's ranks, Curio was near destitution. He eventually petitioned the Arano family seeking shelter, expecting to be turned away. Instead, he was offered a place to stay within their home. He would eventually work his way up the ranks of the Great House, and by 3E 427, Crassius Curio had become a Councilor.

As a councilor, he used his position to indulge his sexuality, calling himself "Uncle Crassius" and others dumplings. During the Nerevarine's quest to be named Hortator, he demanded a kiss to be convinced to name them Hortator. Despite his immoral sexual behavior, he was one of two councilors of House Hlaalu who did not associate with the criminal organization the Camonna Tong, who were associated with the four other councilors.

The Lusty Argonian Maid

The Lusty Argonian Maid (Castles)

"It's going to be fabulous, my little sweetroll. "The Lusty Argonian Maid" will stir the soul, touch the heart, and rouse the...masses from their slumber."

In his spare time, he pursued his love of the arts, which he was considered a great patron of, and would commission some artists to do murals for him. Curio was also a writer, having written the plays such as the well received The Dance Of The Three-Legged Guar. In 3E 427, Crassius was working on a raunchy play known as The Lusty Argonian Maid, centering around an Argonian maid named Lifts-Her-Tail and her Imperial master Crantius Colto—who shared many characteristics with his author. Due to its sexual nature, Curio had trouble finding actors for the play. He finally selected Marcel Maurard, a horrible actor who was down on his luck and agreed to do the work. Despite its lead, the play did well, and it would eventually become popular. It had captured a Tamriel-wide audience ranging from men and mer all the way to goblin-ken. Curio gave an autographed first-edition version of the book to the Arano family as thanks for their generosity. Eventually that copy would make its way into the hands of the First Edition bookstore in the Imperial City, before it would be reclaimed by the Arano family in 4E 201, who had moved to the city of Raven Rock in Solstheim.

By 2E 582, many anachronistic books had appeared across Tamriel thanks to the Ayleid Ruin of Gandranen, and Crassius's work was among the books that were brought to the Second Era by the library. Though Curio's work was transported through time to the Second Era, there is evidence that he is one author in a long line of many with the same idea. Telenger the Artificer, a famous scholar of the time, researched the origins of The Lusty Argonian Maid, and discovered that the tale has existed in various forms across Tamriel for ages. There are many different versions of the story told by traveling bards, each with a slightly different title and premise, but the same structure and plot. Telenger found several different variations of the story, including The Lusty Bosmeri of Valenwood, the Khajiiti variant may Two Moons for Sugar, the Bretonic Shornhelm's Lusty Orifice, the Redguard work The Sandy Spear of Alik'r, and the Nordic The Maiden's Tight Hold. Telenger credited the Khajiiti bard Tale-Singer with inventing the format of a maiden with a loaf of bread who helps the male with a spear. The story would be revised over time, with certain elements added, such as the spear actually being Hircine's Spear of the Hunter. Telenger concluded that stories of this stripe have always existed, and that they would continue to be told throughout history.

Gallery

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  Morrowind

Notes

• Aside from the ones mentioned in Telenger's book, other stories similar to Crassius' play include:
  • The Lusty Argonian Maid, A Song — A musical rendition of everyone's favorite story
  • The Sultry Argonian Bard, v1 by Ellya Erdain — A short excerpt from Ellya Erdain's play
• Lifts-Her-Tail is referenced in the Argonian Crafting Motif.
• The Lusty Argonian Maid has also been referenced in other media.